Cheng Tales

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Chapter 1-nder

BOOOOUUUUmje, BAAm, Keeerplunk, Boom shakalaka BOOOOM




Evil Emperor Squeegie was always known as a looney leader, but no one really knew he had turned into a modern big-scale unibomber. E.E. Squeegie made his name as a professor at CU University (the C has been ciphered to stand for Chris, but no one knows why there is repetion on the U). He became the premier Accounting Professor in the world (3-time world accounting champion). This all worked out, until E.E. Squeegie tried to make an accounting video for children. He had realized that the only people who actually knew who he was were all over 20 and he really needed to market his products to the younger generation. These being, of course, his special brand of glasses and a pocket protector that doubled as a wiper for his glasses. These glasses featured a built in calculator (projected numbas on one lense, while the other lense allowed for regular vision) that became a must for want-to-be accountants. The problem was, when Squeegie's accounting show was first done, the children in the studio audience all called him Dr. Bunsen (Honeydew). It seems that with EE Squeegie's bald head (from doing too much smath) and his prominent glasses, he looked like he came straight out of the Muppets. The first show had to be retaped with no audience, because the children had gotten up and stopped the show, demanding to see Beaker. Despite offers to do a remake of the Muppets, EE Squeegie turned into a lunatic after this. He grew a Grizzly Adams beard and no-one-can-tell'ed/rogaine'd his way on top. He basically tried to opposize himself from the Dr. Bunsen image and suddenly got obsessed with gaining followers (people named Beaker probably weren't authorized). Instead of trying to Pinky and Brain his way to a domain, he went away from the action to gain a faction. The Smog Clog of 2040 had sent a bungalow of people out to the mountains, where the smog had less mass. E.E. decided he could easily gather mountain stooges and build a sort of around-the-cones colony. This took a bungalow of years, but by the time Squeegie assembled everyone, he had Hillbilly Nation. No one took them seriously, THEY WEREN'T EVEN ALLOWED IN THE CANADIA GAMES! This of course, is where evil comes in. Squeegie decided he needed to even out the odds, so he came up with 101 ways to even the odds. After assembling Hillbilly Scholars to review the plan, the scholars all agreed on one that Squeegie had just put in there as a joke. This involved using a combination of vibrations, soundbrations, and boomations to squeegieliminate as many stooges as possible, and maybe even everyone except Hillbilly Nation. Their slogan became a modified Canadiadian saying, "On the shore, on the land....we'll see where they (referring to Canadia and other rival nations) get canned." EE devised a system of what he called "fireworks", designed to use water, sound/wind, and earthquakes to tko. Squeegie knew he didn't know what he was doing, since of course, his quagulations were off sometimes, so he shipped himself and some others (like a hundred er so) from his Hillbilly Nation (which by then had increasing numbers of Smogaverters- now numbered around 8 million under EE rule) into orbit (no other planets or anything had been colonized, so squeegie had to John Glenn it and do spin-cycle action). When the system was activated, it worked too well, and each inch of the globe felt at least 1 of the intended effects. Hillbilly Nation actually had to wait a couple years for everything to settle down. E.E. was ecstatic and instructed his hillybilly examination team to explore the damagio.